a substitute blog for me if any of my lj blogs gets hacked.

♫ Super Junior, Infinite∞, SISTAR★, BEAST, f(x) & X-5.
❥Hoya, Junhyung, Donghae, Dasom, Luna, Sulhu & Hyunjin.

☂ music, writing, piano, reading, rainy days, my bed.
✄ crypticqueen, frozenkingdom, seyong, moonipter

i might as well shout at you guys and say i want to break this friendship "built" over the few years. i don't even feel like we're even friends anymore. fine, maybe you're smiling and laughing at me, but it's clear to both me and you that we're going to part our ways soon enough. it's not as if i'm two-faced, you're the one who's two-faced here. you lied to me, you acted as if i'm invisible, acted as if i'm not even part of our friendship. i always put you guys above me, but the end result is so disappointing. i'm getting left out instead. i heard from hafizah how you guys felt empty without me, but is it even true? maybe you guys are just saying this for the sake of me. i know i'm fat. i know how i tend to really look like i don't care. but... it hurts. everytime i watch other people with their best friends, so in love, so in sync and all, i get jealous. it's as if i don't even have a best friend. it's just a title for you guys. i quitted facebook because of you guys. i don't even know why i'm crying about it. everytime i log on to facebook, all i see is things and events that i wasn't invited in. i was replaced. replaced by other friends whom you thought are more cooler than me, more special. and i remain forgotten. it's not as if i don't know, it's i choose to pretend to not know. it's been 2 years already. we're drifting further apart from each year now that you guys are repeating sec 1. i want to cry, i want to shout how badly i missed the days we used to have fun together. the ones whom i thought i could trust on to turned out to be the ones who i could not. now, i know who's the one who really cared for me. if i slimmed down and you guys then want to pay more attention to me, then it's over. i'd better be alone than have a bunch of friends who only judge a book by its cover. who might secretly hate me. who's just putting up a front for me. who's secretly wanting to break off this friendship. i don't know anymore. i don't know why i'm writing this long-ass paragraph for you guys. i don't know why i'm holding on to something that's breaking away from my grasp. i don't even know why i'm still with you guys when i have other friends who knows what loyalty means. call me a coward, because i simply can't break away. i should just stay at home with my computer. i might as well just go overseas and forget them. it's not as if i meet them every single second anyway. if i'm gone, they wouldn't even notice. bye then. i will just bear this pain until sec 4 and it's all over. good bye.